Only a breath away. I miss you pa.

Today is the eve of my dad’s passing. The first year without my pa.

The void and loneliness never gets filled. But his legacy lives on. My parents will never cease to amaze me. Their life and personal achievements, I aspire to attain for myself one day.

“Your direction is all that matters. That you’re headed in the right path..”

Murphy’s Law; one year ago today all that could go wrong, did. It was the day of my intervention court order fell through.. I was crying about that in bed when my boss texted that we had been put into lockdown again and all memberships had to be manually suspended by 12 midnight, then minutes later my mother called saying my dad had been admitted to the hospital.. He was fine, drove himself to the hospital even. Hours later as I was suspending said memberships, mum called. Dad had collapsed. I never got to say goodbye. I had so much to tell him and so much more to share. I wish he saw me out of the darkest year of my life. I wish he saw me as a complete human; not the broken, scared and Spring who was trying to recreate her life.

In saying all this one year on, I feel more closely connected to my dad than ever before. On our last phone conversation just a week before he passed, we conversed briefly about life. I shared my fears (a little, I never wanted to worry him. Everything was always ok!) about the massive changes and mostly about whether I would disappoint my parents when the final court orders were to be finalised later in the year. My pa is a man of very few words so our conversation only lasted 5 minutes or so. But one I’ll remember not just for the obvious reasons but for what he said to me.

I remember you every day. And speak of you often so you will always be remembered for the amazing life you had. I hope to live in your light and strength every day. I hope to make you proud. A breath away isn’t that far away. I miss you pa.